Year 5

The value of silence – New year’s eve

They feel the need to poke it –

To advise or to wish you well –

What you left in the shadow behind –

What you have been trying to avoid to think about or wasn’t even thinking of –

The purulent scars of painful memories –

The creeping doubts –

The uncertain future and yet unanswered wishes –

When they could smile and hug and stay silent, and

let you enjoy the moment.

 

Second-skin pain

Craftily hidden

highway or metro

under the layers

My home

familiar comfortable

with all our things

My job my hobbies

engaging busy

with barely known pals

My husband

lively loving

and his arms

A protection

until

the knife-slash

The unexpected questions

the pictures

the announcement cards

Cutting through

exposing

raw flesh and bones

 

Crumbling ruin I cry

 

 

Hope

The push of an angel on a wretched day

The blade of a friend through one’s heart

Always waiting to spring

Never failing

 

Last weeks

While I turn and toss

Right and left, then on my back,

Like a whale move –

Bones clicking, fingers swollen –

Cry in fear and in hope,

Drink my water, eat, and pee –

Filling a sea, I could be! –

He bings and bangs and hiccups,

Gives a small shake or makes a powerful wave,

Reacting to my hands (to our hands),

He rolls – is it a foot or a knee?

Is he listening?

Is he crying – laughing – hugging?

Is he coming?!

Warm and fed – I think –

He is mine – almost solely mine –

For a few more weeks,

For a few weeks only,

My baby, in my belly.

 

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